Respect is very important for me in my life. It is essential for me to give and receive respect from everyone who I truly care about. That includes my husband and my kids. And that forms the basis of my parenting mantra – Respect the individuality of your child.
Quite the opposite of what I am saying right! No, I just love to coordinate their outfits sometimes. Don’t let that fool you into thinking that they are in any ways alike. They all have very different personalities and are, all three of them, the apples of my eyes!
Parenting Mantras
Parenting is a tough job all right! Just like everything else that we do, our parenting styles are also different. What works for me might not work for you. But it always helps to read other parents’ opinions and ideas and find inspiration from them. So along with a number of other fabulous moms, I am sharing my parenting mantra with you all.
Welcome aboard! What a fun way to get an insight into the parenting styles of so many mommies 🙂
You can visit all these moms and know about their parenting mantras every single day. It was lovely reading Ragini’s parenting mantra yesterday at her blog O Gujariya (my favorite song and movie!). And now it’s time for my own 🙂
Do Not Compare Your Children
In the various stages of growing up, my children have taught me a lot. And this in turn, has shaped up my parenting mantra. Effective parenting can shape the character of your child but it cannot change their personality. They are born with their own personalities.
My first born was a superlative child and we loved her for it. Then we had our second and he was born with a distinct personality. Nothing and no one could make him do something he did not feel like (even if it was sitting in the classroom lol!). We learnt to love him the way he is but gradually realized that he had some other ‘super powers’. He had a keen sense of understanding and is also spiritually inclined right from birth. Then came the third who made us feel like we did not know one ounce of parenting! We are still finding our way with this one. And while all this was happening, the first one reached her adolescence – full of so many mood swings that we almost couldn’t find our little girl in this little lady.
But the bottom line is that each child is different and very special in their own way. Their individual personalities and even the different stages of life are going to make them even more unpredictable. Respect them for who they are and love them unconditionally for being their own selves.
Some Parenting Rules I Have Made for Myself
Based on my resolve to not judge my children, and love and respect their individual personalities, here are some tips I follow.
1. Your children need to know at all times that they are loved. Love and respect them just like the way you would like to be loved and respected regardless of who and what you are.
2. If a personality trait of your kids is new to you and you do not know how to cope with it, take the help of Google, books and experts to arm yourself with research. Your kids are worth that time and effort.
3. Discuss this with your partner so you are on the same page and do not send confusing signals to the children.
4. Take an effort to understand your child’s personality. Every person is born with a different temperament. This includes moods, activity levels, sensitivity, tolerance, distractability and emotional intensity. It is important to modify your parenting style to fit your child’s temperament.
5. Ask for advice from those who have been there. Do not write off other parents as not knowing your situation. There are many who will identify with you. Especially your own parents. Do not hesitate to ask for their advice.
6. Accept your child’s development and progress, as well as their shortcomings according to the standards of the world. Stay away from the race and let your child dance to their own rhythm. This does not mean not trying to help them do the best in every field. But it does mean not forcing them to perform to someone else’s standards.
7. Relax and have a sense of humor. Many things go wrong all the time when it comes to kids. You can either scream yourself hoarse over it or let it go with a laugh. The situation won’t change but your child will warm up to you instead of being afraid to open up to you.
8. You have every right to feel super proud when your children shine at something. But when they lose or do not perform according to expectations – that is when your children need you the most. Reiterating what I said in the first point, children need to know that they are loved at all times, more so when the world is not exactly praising them.
9. Last but not the least, our children need all of the above at all times – even when they grow up. It is easier to accept a child’s personality and individuality when they are still cute and young. There are bound to be conflicts as they grow up and have a life of their own. But trust me, just like I cannot do without my parents’ love and support even now, they will need you at every step in their lives as long as you live. So, continue to love without judging them even when they are adults.
In a Nutshell
Comparing children to others or even their own siblings can lead to revolting and resentful behavior. Instead, we can just let the children bloom the way God intended them to. Like Aamir Khan says in ‘Taare Zameen Par’, “har ungli ko kheench kar lambi karney main lage hue hain sub” (We want to stretch each finger to elongate it instead of admiring their different lengths). Instead, let’s remember that “Khayal karna bahut zaroori hai” (It is very important to ‘care’) and that “Har bachche ki apni khoobi hoti hai, apni kaabiliyat hoti hai, apni chahat hoti hai” (Every child has their own talent, their own abilities and their own passions). ‘Happy’ and ‘Healthy’ are the only two things I wish for and expect from, my children. Everything else, I will educate and equip them to find for themselves and in their own time and way.
This is what makes the basis of my parenting and keeps is going for all of us in my family. The blog train moves on to Sneha at Blog Sikka tomorrow. Do stop by to read what parenting insights she has to share. And do share your own parenting mantras with me in the comments 🙂
This s is the most important parenting talk
That’s a lovely post Lata.. I can so relate to it
Having twins this was very important for us to follow as initially everyone used to compare them
We made it sure our whole big family understands , they are as diff as any 2 siblings
Aha! I was eagerly waiting for this post and I am happy that I learnt something new about parenting from the Mantra that you have shared. Comparing kids can really have impact on them!
Yes it can Shub..and it took me a while to realize that I actually needed to adapt my style for each child.
Great read Lata. You have mentioned some very important points here. We all need to keep reminding ourselves of these points.
Thanks Charu :). Parenting is a constant process of learning as well as experimenting lol.
Being a mother f twins I can so relate to this article! I love dressing them alike and so far they seem to.enjoy it too. Individuality should always be encouraged 🙂
I never thought about it this way Prisha! Of course, twins must be compared much more than other siblings.
Lovely post.. The point about being on the same page with your partner is so important. Reading it I remembered how we as kids would go from our mom to dad and back to mom trying to get our way and always remember how they both always had the exact same answer.. No matter how much we tried to manipulate 🙂
True! There is so much we learn from our own parents’ parenting styles.
Awesome post Lata. I enjoy reading your posts and felt like i have only written that post. And this post is not an exception of that feeling. I use to hear many say that my son is hyper active when he was a toddler. I was also working at that time. I have never gone to any place without getting a complaint about him for his naughtyness and over talkative. So I hesitated even for going out with him. Then as you said, I learnt and researched from net about hyper activeness. Many methods I tried with him and got a mux of hit and fail results. But all are learning. In the whole period, I never ever compared my son with anybody. Now he’s such a good lovable teen . Very proud momma moment. All these happened because I made a big decision of SAHM 5 years back. Thanks for inspiring me with your unique posts.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Vasantha! I have no words to describe how happy I felt on reading your comment. I was only doing what I felt was the right approach. But your experience tells me and all other moms that we are right in choosing this style of parenting. I am so happy it has worked so well for you and I hope and wish the same happiness for my kids 🙂
informative blog. Now a days comparison is more. For parents like them it is important to read this blog.
Just to win competition & make the kids one stage upper than other kids. Now a days parents sending them to school at 1.5 age. Poor champs losses there childhood masti
I agree. My PTA meets have been nightmares but I stuck to my pint of view that the child will learn in his own time. It’s okay for a child to not be able to everything right away!
Loved your post. I like how you are open to admit that even after three kids, you are still mastering parenting. I couldn’t disagree with any of the points you have made, and I am glad you have derived all this from tried and tested experience.
Thank you 🙂
Aapne ekdum sahi likha great post
Aaj meri betiyan badibho gai hain aur maine unko is tarah bada kiya hai ki un me respectfully duniya ka sammna karne ki himmat hai, mujh se open hain, abhi bhi sab kuch share karti hain
Lata ,aap bahut acche points leti hain aapke liye
Aww.. Such a lovely post.. You have mentioned all the points so clearly… Loved it…
Hi very well said, every person is born with unique DNA how can we compare, we can just say he or she has this power
This is a lovely post Lata .The fact that each child has an individuality of his/her own needs to be respected and not compared.I just hope things change in the near future and when these lovely kids grow up, each of them gets their jump in their own niche and the talents they possess.
All these points are so well illustrated. With 3 children each different in their own special ways I am sure you too must be having to mould your parenting style to suit them.
I also loved point no. 9. It is easy to be a great parent to a child. But it is equally important to show them the same love, care, concern and above all respect when they are older.
Lata, as always you came up with an awesome post.you are an awesome mom with open mind and positive outlook. your kids are fortunate to have you as their mom..
Hey Lata..
As you know I’m a young mom to Ojas who’s not even 4! This post of yours clarified so many things in one go…Kudos!!
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I’m a bit harsh to Ojas sometimes..but then I curse myself and return to him positively and with ‘Sorry’ and assure him of solutions to his problems!! That’s my kind of parenting
I loved all the points you covered and number 7 being my favourite!!
Love your parenting mantra Lata! As expected it’s an amazing read. I love your point no. 7 – importance of humour in parenting☺
You have touched an imp aspect that i missed during early years. Respecting child’s individuality is a way to go for parents.
Yes I need to learn that not to compare your children…
very nice post Lata.. actually too important
being mother of twins, this is something was much needed for me to read.
i d confess, sometimes unknowingly we compare our girls with stuff like see she did it and u didnt
🙁
but sometimes they make us grow crazy… but thats being mom is, learning on every step
i am bookmarking this post for myself as reminder now n then
What an amazing posts Lata. I loved the last few lines in Hindi as they summarise the entire blog so beautifully. I completely believe in respecting a child as an individual and to not force our opinions and thoughts on them. Also, the comparison seems to be a slow poison which kills child’s confidence.
Discussing with the partner and being on the same page is so important ..I once read somewhere that if parents don’t fight infant of kids the kids will be less rebellious and somehow have liked the philosophy of being on the same page upto an extent it is possible
Love reading your post Lata, comparing kids is something which is omnipresent – forget about the siblings parents compare with the cousins too, which builds undue pressure on kids from peers.
Everyone has their own personality so why not kids, I am sure you are doing a fabulous job as a mother and thanks for sharing the same with us.
your blog is so sweet and yet shares the most valuable mantra <3
I will try and not compare my child. Sometimes I am guilty of pointing out few positive character traits of other children to my daughter to make her understand its value in life but I guess I need to think of other ways to do that too. Thanks for writing this post.
Great post Lata ..I agree to the fact that even kids are individuals not to be compared but respected and accepted as they are…
That was an awesome read. I am keeping two of your points in my mind from now on. Respecting my child and making sure that I accept his shortcomings too.
Lovely writeup lata I’m agree with your each and every point.
Got to learn so much from your mantras. Nobody literally nobody will help in raising a child and we have to rely on others specially when first time mom. Luckily I have net and your blogs to look forward to. sometimes I loose my temper but after reading I will opt for laughs. Lukng forward for more parenting blogs.