Working parents often tend to make up for their absence by guilty conscience spending. They feel bad about not being able to spend more time with their kids and end up buying expensive presents for them. I can myself relate to this. It is so easy to bribe a child with a costly new toy instead of your precious time. But we both know it is not correct. First, it does not ( never can, never will ) make up for your presence. Second, your household budget will suffer. Third, kids getting too many gifts for no reason is not really going to help them. We will only end up with a generation of spoilt kids who do not value anything! Here are some things to do instead of indulging in guilty conscience spending and spoiling kids with gifts.
Kids playing ‘School’ on Sunday morning. I was the ‘Head Mistress’ who was keeping a check with her ‘secret camera’ 🙂
Stop Guilty Conscience Spending
This last weekend was an extended one. I had been working late nights for most days of the week, so I decided to completely shut down work and spend all 3 days entirely with the kids. As I woke up on Monday morning, thinking about the fun we had had in the last 3 days, I realized I had changed for the better.
A few years ago, I would have put in a 3 day holiday to my work and probably shopped some more for the kids. Sometimes we begin to believe pretty much everything can be bought with money. But that is never true. I still love to shop for my kids (I spoil them rotten sometimes, I admit!) and probably spend more on them than myself, but I do not indulge in guilty conscience spending anymore.
5 Things to Do Instead of Spoiling Them
I am a full-time self-employed, mom of 3 and I am definitely not above guilty conscience spending myself, mind you. But I am trying to make a change and constantly work on my parenting skills. Not so long ago, I did another post on spending quality time with the kids. I realize the importance of doing it now, more than I ever did.
Here are some things I do to make up for my absence, other than bribing them with gifts. They all involve creating quality time and make even the small amount of time count. I also mention a few creative gift ideas that can be used as bribes without spoiling them too much!
1. Sunday Morning Park
Don’t you love lazy sunday mornings? There is nothing like getting to sleep a little late on holidays. But I have changed the habit of sleeping late in the morning to an afternoon nap. Anyway, my kids have a special alarm clock built in them for holidays. They always get up early on weekends! So we wear our track pants and head to the nearby park for a lot of play time together.
2. Late Night ‘Installment’ Movies
When you reach home late and there is only a little time left before the kids go to bed, you can still make that time count. When the kids are done telling us about their day while we have our dinner, we watch a movie – one part of it. There are many movies of ‘ our times ‘ that we want to share with the kids. We break these movies into 30 minute slots and watch them over a week. My kids have enjoyed watching ‘ Sholay ‘, ‘ The Sound of music ‘ etc.
3. Read
Even if you find 15 minutes, read to them. Or tell them a story. If there is a long story which is a favorite with them, break it into installments like movies. I read to my kids every day. And they love to listen to folk tales and mythology too. Our ‘ Mahabharata ‘ stories go on for days. When your kids are a little older, you can even ask them to read to you! They love to do it and it also improves their reading and speaking skills.
4. Do Chores together
You don’t have to have a lot of free time to spend with your kids. They will be happy to join you in your daily chores. You can all work together to clean a desk, prep vegetables for their lunch box, wipe the doors, put the laundry out to dry etc. If you have to drive to do some grocery shopping or for some other chore, take them along. Every minute the kids spend with us, is more valuable than any toy you can give them.
Every minute the kids spend with us, is more valuable than any toy you can give them.
5. Play a Game
Sounds boring, does it? It is not. Really. Just put aside everything else when you have some time, and go play with them. An indoor board game is a great way to relieve your own stress and spend time with the kids. Sometimes, join in their pretend play. Kids love it when you join in their Pokemon battles and Doll house play time. Sit down on the play mat and get involved!
Get Creative with Gifts
If you really must buy them something, make it something that will keep them creatively engaged instead of spoiling them with the latest expensive toy. Enroll them for a class or gift them a magazine or activity box subscription. When you pick them up from class or whenever you meet, ask them about the class or the magazine without fail. Or it would add to your guilty conscience that you sent them to the class or gave them a book to read so you don’t have to spend time with them. Spend 5 minutes to listen to what they did with their new gift/activity.
Woww some great tips for happy parenting​ ,I had tried the park idea few weeks…My baby was so happy …It’s really refreshing… will surely follow ur tips
I read this post sometime back,I love how you’ve put your thoughts in it
Well written!
Nothing can compensate our time given to our kids. Nicely written
brilliant ideas . i loved it
Great ideas I must say
So agree with you on this Lata. In fact, I will be honest even I have done this by spending when I couldn’t give time. However with each passing day I see my daughter growing and off late realised that giving her time is more important than spending on her..
http://www.lifethrumyeyes.com/2016/12/05/sex-after-giving-birth/
Great post..