Gender Equality Begins At Home

“Kids don’t come with instructions, but they do come with open minds.” – Dr. Christopher Metzler

I am a mommy to both a Girl and a Boy who see their parents sharing household responsibilities every single day. Even then, I live surrounded by people who view certain chores as a man’s job and others as a woman’s. As responsible parents, we constantly try to raise kids who believe in gender equality. Whether it is teaching my son to respect girls or helping my daughter learn to stand up for herself, our aim remains to raise children who are self-sufficient as well as respectful of the opposite sex. And the domestic chores – they HAVE TO be shared equally!

I am planning many more blog posts on getting kids to do their household chores including the checklists we use, but since I am taking part in the #ShareTheLoad Challenge with Ariel and Akshara at BlogAdda, I thought I will begin with how we try to instill gender equality in our kids by dividing household chores between them.

Leading by Example

A marked change is seen in the distribution of household chores in modern Indian families and my family is one of them. Both me and my husband ensure that the tasks are more evenly distributed and we do that by setting our own example. I have mentioned how we share responsibilities at home, the two of us. The kids have grown up seeing that both mommy and daddy share the responsibility when it came to educating or disciplining them. They both share the household duties (and Daddy is actually better at making attractive looking tiffin boxes). As a result, my kids do not know of an alternative. This is how it is, for them.

We also tell them quite clearly that we want them both to be smart and self-reliant when they grow up. Girls need to know how to fix their bicycles and boys need to know how not to starve. Giving them different chores around the house will only help shape a wholesome personality and it works better if they understand this fact.

Similar tasks now will mean equal opportunities later in life!

I believe very strongly that my daughters and son must perform the same tasks in the household. This will ensure they are self-sufficiently independent when they go to college, or take up a job, during their bachelor life and later when they raise their own family. The education and working lives are exactly similar for both boys and girls these days. Also, it is a very common occurrence in modern families that both the man and the woman share household chores. This is partly because they often combine their incomes unlike earlier times where it was the duty of the man to provide the material resources. The tasks within the household are therefore distributed much more equitably.

Here is a list of things the siblings share the load, to help out at home:

1. Picking up toys
2. Arranging the washed dishes
3. Putting out the laundry to dry
4. Bringing in the dried laundry
5. Lay the table for guests
6. Pick/Clean up after their baby sister
7. Getting the door every time the doorbell rings (they take turns, sometimes)
8. Sweep/Vaccuum – The elder sister handles the vacuum cleaner, but the little brother clears the way, picking up the larger objects.
9. Put used clothes in a bin or the washing machine
10. Water the plants
11. Take the trash/garbage bag out (they take turns)
12. Wipe/wash their bicycles
13. Assist in changing diapers

We make a lot of allowances, mind you. But their gender does not affect those. Sometimes, the eldest is required to do more simply because she is the eldest and can handle more and not to mention that she has more skill sets. Sometimes, the younger one is asked to do more as a way of punishing him for a misdeed. And sometimes, either of them get away with excuses because we are too busy on the phone or on the laptop and are hardly, the perfect parents…LOL!

Raising Feminist Men

I am a Feminist and proud to be one, though my definition of the ‘F’ word does not include ‘Fanaticism’. I was really excited about ‘Ki and Ka‘ but ended being disappointed because the makers of the movie took it too far. No, that is not my idea of Feminism. Feminism for me, is about equality. Why should we raise our girls any different than our boys? And nothing would please me better than to see my own son taking after his Daddy and respecting the women in his life. I attempt to raise a feminist man by openly talking with him about stereotypes and encouraging him to break them and follow his father’s example. Even the little momma’s boy can see how his help (and his daddy’s) make things easier for Mommy and increases our happiness as a family. He eagerly follow’s the example and helps out. The fact that he has a younger sister also helps. His almost paternal love for her makes him do so many chores with happiness that would otherwise, bring out plenty of groans and excuses. He doesn’t mind clearing up after her and helping during her nappy changes.

I hate to sound preachy, but instilling gender equality in kids since the very beginning is the only key to a gender equal nation. I dream of a gender equal India and am happy to be sowing the seeds in one family, at least. It would make me proud to see all three of my children becoming responsible and independent citizens someday.