How to Handle Difficult Teenagers

Adolescence is a time of raging hormones and teens often want to test the boundaries – and your limits. It can feel like home is a battleground and all you do is argue and butt heads. As a parent of a teenager, you probably wonder what happened to that sweet child who used to love hugs and spending time with mum and dad. Instead, you’re stuck with a growling, petulant, moody teen who barely talks to you anymore, other than to hurl abuse and accuse you of ruining their life. Sucks to be you, right?

It’s not all bad news. There are ways to handle teens and reduce the level of antagonism in your house. Read on for a few useful tips on how to handle a teenager in the throes of a massive tantrum.

Don’t be Reactive

OK, so it’s easier said than done. Your first instinct on catching your teenage daughter sneaking in late at night or smoking out her bedroom window is to go nuclear. That’s perfectly understandable, but not the best way to handle the situation. Unless she’s in immediate physical danger, do not overreact.

Teenagers love nothing more than to push their parent’s buttons. And they do it with aplomb. The problem is that the more you react to their blatant provocation, the more they have power over you.

The best way to defuse a situation is by not reacting. Take a step back, count to 10 very slowly, and regain your composure. If necessary, walk away and don’t re-enter the room until you can stay calm and objective. Then you can discuss what happened in a rational way and what you intend to do next.

Have Boundaries

Teenagers need boundaries, even if they think they don’t. Without clear boundaries, teenagers go into freefall and off the rails. Be very clear about the house rules and what you expect from them, whether it’s an 8 PM curfew on school nights or the chores they must do if they want you to pay for their smartphone. Let them know they must show respect if they want privileges.

They will probably accuse you of being a tyrant if you don’t let them stay out late or imply that every one of their friends is allowed to the party and you’re so mean because you said no. That’s OK, it’s normal behaviour. What’s important is that you set clear boundaries and if your teen crosses them, there are consequences. Be consistent on this. They break the rules, there is a punishment that fits the crime.

Boundaries are even more important for foster kids. Explain the rules when a teen comes to live with you and make sure other children are treated in exactly the same way. Fostering in the UK can be tough at times, but it’s very rewarding when you help a teenager achieve their potential.

Have Empathy

Be empathetic about what your teenager is going through. The pressures of modern life are exceptionally difficult for teenagers, thanks to the digital world we live in. Try to make allowances for what they might be experiencing at school or in their friendship groups. This is especially true for foster kids who have come from abusive homes and carry a lot of emotional baggage.

Handling teens is difficult at times, but with the right approach and a sense of humour, you’ll all come through this difficult time unscathed.