So I watched a stand up by Atul Khatri the other day (I am a big fan of stand up comedy as you know!). He was toasting the Justin Bieber concert in Mumbai and the crazy fans. Having a tween girl who is crazy about music, singers and bands, I could totally relate. And like every other ‘original’ funny parents out there, I borrowed a few puns to impress my children with.
Me: Are you a ‘Belieber’?
(A belieber is a JB fan for the uninitiated. Who’s JB, you ask? Why Justin Beiber, of course! Come on moms!!)
Big Sis and Bro, together: Of course I am.
Me: Well, I am a Bahubelieber!
Lil Big Bro – What is that?
Me: A Bahubali fan!
Lil Big Bro: Ohhhhhhh! How clever!
Me: Smiling like the cat who got to eat the mouse. Beaming proudly at my ‘original’ joke and not even acknowledging Atul Khatri in my mind.
Big Sis: Okay, let me tell you some more….
And after that, I could only shake my head and be amazed at what came forward. My attempt at a career in comedy was squashed right before my eyes as I saw the GenNext taking it from there! But they were great fun nonetheless. Sharing them with you. Don’t laugh alone. Share them with others who love the language and would enjoy them.
Funny English Puns
1.
Big Sis: I am just going to stand out for a while.
Me: Okay…
So if anyone asks, say that I am OUTSTANDING!
2.
Big Sis: What do you call a Bagel that can fly?
Me: What?
Big Sis: A ‘Plane’ Bagel
3.
Big Sis: We are all living in a Bubble.
UNBELIEBUBBLE!
4.
Big Sis: Why do cows have hooves?
Me: Ummmm…..
Big Sis: Because they ‘lac-tose’! (lack toes….get it? Lol!)
5.
Big Sis: I wanted to tell you an animal joke.
Me: Okay…
Big Sis: But it’s so Irr-elephant!
6.
Big Sis: I am going to tell you a joke about construction.
Me: ??
Big Sis: But I am still working on it.
7.
Big Sis: Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Me: Ummmm….
Big Sis: Because some relationships don’t work out!
8.
Big Sis: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Me: Ummmm….
Big Sis: Because it was soda pressing
9.
Big Sis: How do cows laugh?
Me: How?
Big Sis: Moo–ha ha ha ha…
10.
Big Sis: Can a Kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Me: No.
Big Sis: Of course it can – Houses cannot jump!
11.
Big Sis: Why was the Pizza so small?
Me: Ummmm….
Daddy: Because it was just ‘delivered’!
Big Sis: No, because there was not ‘mush room’ in it – Ha ha!
Daddy: My answer was correct too.
Me: Yes, it was very clever. Why did I not have any answers for any of them!!!
12.
Big Sis: This one’s an original! What do you call a Hairy man who makes pots?
Me: Ummmm…***imagining a really creepy man***
Big Sis: Harry Potter!
13.
Big Sis: Okay, one last. Where is Ed’s Girlfriend?
Me: Ed who?
Big Sis: Shee Ran!
Got it? Ed Sheeran, Shape of You?
14.
Big Sis: Just one more! What do you call the security guards at a Samsung Store?
Me: …..
Big Sis: Guardians Of The Galaxy!
And you must already know the one-liner she cracked when I was leaving for the Vir Das show. You don’t? Then you don’t follow me on Instagram. You can do it right now. And here’s the post containing her one liner:
Loved every bit of #BoardingDAS!
It was an honour to talk to the man himself and tell him how big a fan I am of his work! .
I told her he was also a comedian. In fact, he is originally a stand up comedian. .
To this Big Sis says, a boy in my class is also a very good stand up comedian. .
I was amazed – Really? He is very good at comedy? .
No, she said. He is a stand up comedian. Whenever he tells a joke, people stand up and leave 🤣 .
Haa haaa haaa…
This one is the best after a tiring day! Moo ha ha was the best indeed!
Thank you Lata for such awesomeness!
Mera paet dukh gaya
Big sis bahut intelligent hai good luck to her
Bahaha good ones from sanika, she has a great sense of humour 😉