So I watched a stand up by Atul Khatri the other day (I am a big fan of stand up comedy as you know!). He was toasting the Justin Bieber concert in Mumbai and the crazy fans. Having a tween girl who is crazy about music, singers and bands, I could totally relate. And like every other ‘original’ funny parents out there, I borrowed a few puns to impress my children with.
Me: Are you a ‘Belieber’?
(A belieber is a JB fan for the uninitiated. Who’s JB, you ask? Why Justin Beiber, of course! Come on moms!!)
Big Sis and Bro, together: Of course I am.
Me: Well, I am a Bahubelieber!
Lil Big Bro – What is that?
Me: A Bahubali fan!
Lil Big Bro: Ohhhhhhh! How clever!
Me: Smiling like the cat who got to eat the mouse. Beaming proudly at my ‘original’ joke and not even acknowledging Atul Khatri in my mind.
Big Sis: Okay, let me tell you some more….
And after that, I could only shake my head and be amazed at what came forward. My attempt at a career in comedy was squashed right before my eyes as I saw the GenNext taking it from there! But they were great fun nonetheless. Sharing them with you. Don’t laugh alone. Share them with others who love the language and would enjoy them.
Funny English Puns
Big Sis: I am just going to stand out for a while.
So if anyone asks, say that I am OUTSTANDING!
Big Sis: What do you call a Bagel that can fly?
Big Sis: A ‘Plane’ Bagel
Big Sis: We are all living in a Bubble.
Big Sis: Why do cows have hooves?
Big Sis: Because they ‘lac-tose’! (lack toes….get it? Lol!)
Big Sis: I wanted to tell you an animal joke.
Big Sis: But it’s so Irr-elephant!
Big Sis: I am going to tell you a joke about construction.
Big Sis: But I am still working on it.
Big Sis: Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Big Sis: Because some relationships don’t work out!
Big Sis: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Big Sis: Because it was soda pressing
Big Sis: How do cows laugh?
Big Sis: Moo–ha ha ha ha…
Big Sis: Can a Kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Big Sis: Of course it can – Houses cannot jump!
Big Sis: Why was the Pizza so small?
Daddy: Because it was just ‘delivered’!
Big Sis: No, because there was not ‘mush room’ in it – Ha ha!
Daddy: My answer was correct too.
Me: Yes, it was very clever. Why did I not have any answers for any of them!!!
Big Sis: This one’s an original! What do you call a Hairy man who makes pots?
Me: Ummmm…***imagining a really creepy man***
Big Sis: Harry Potter!
Big Sis: Okay, one last. Where is Ed’s Girlfriend?
Me: Ed who?
Big Sis: Shee Ran!
Got it? Ed Sheeran, Shape of You?
Big Sis: Just one more! What do you call the security guards at a Samsung Store?
Big Sis: Guardians Of The Galaxy!
And you must already know the one-liner she cracked when I was leaving for the Vir Das show. You don’t? Then you don’t follow me on Instagram. You can do it right now. And here’s the post containing her one liner:
Can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard for so long! I just watched the most amazing live stand up by my all time favourite stand up comedian @virdas. . The way he improvises live will keep you amazed! Doesn’t even need a script. Vir Das showed why he is India’s No.1 Stand up comic. He quickly warmed up to the local vibe and had the audience in splits right from the word go. Not many can make fun of religion and make people laugh at their own faults and still manage to put across a meaningful message about peaceful coexistence. Hats off! .
Earlier this evening, when I was getting ready, Big Sis asked me where we were going. I told her we were going to a stand up comedy show by Vir Das. To which she replied – But he is an actor! She knows him from Go Goa Gone. .
My, my! When did my little girl grow up so much! She is cracking one liners! . Back to the show, don’t miss a chance to watch him mommies. Give yourself the much needed break and relaxation by having a good laugh with some intelligent comedy 😘😘😘